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THE ‘SPREZZATURA’ PERFORMANCE

Making the wedding speech of a lifetime or the crucial must-win pitch, the challenge is to rise to the occasion and perform at your best when it really matters. Why not go further and aim for a moment of sprezzatura.

The sixteenth century Italian philosopher,  Baldassari  Castiglione, described the ideal approach as having two necessary principles. The first, ‘decoro’, is the graft, practice, preparation and rehearsal, the essential foundations for any performance.

The second is ‘sprezzatura’,

This is  a word he coined. It has been described as the vital spark, the flash of lightening, recklessness, the art of nonchalance, a touch of the ridiculousness, rehearsed spontaneity, studied carelessness, practised naturalness, joy in improvisation, embracing the unknown and enjoying it …

We see it in the greatest of stage actors, musicians and athletes. Not every-time though, even from a  Yo-Yo Ma, a  Cate Blanchett or a Usain Bolt. For us ‘normal players’ it will be even more elusive but worth chasing,

Assuming you have done all the hard graft, the preparation, the rehearsal allow yourself to let go.  Be free in the moment.

Step outside your comfort zone, stop worrying about yourself, start caring for your audience. Try taking risk,  delight in your performance and who knows sprezzatura may strike.

 

PERFECT WEDDING SPEECHES COST NOTHING!

The average wedding in the UK costs upwards of £20K. Venue, food, drink, flowers, invitations, accessories, accommodation, travel- (not to forget the outfits!)

023_icing_on_cakeAs you prepare for the big day, it’s worth noting that Just about the only ingredients that come free are the speeches. They will, or should be, the icing on the cake of the perfect day.

The speakers will have been chosen. However, there is advice they can be given to help ensure the memorable day is made even more memorable.

Here are six suggestions.

  1. Stick to their brief.  Whichever speech they’re making, they must find out what is expected. Who else is speaking and what will they be saying. How long should they speak? Are there any specifics to include? Anything they shouldn’t mention?

_brain_gears2. Don’t procrastinate. The  speeches may be weeks away but it is never too soon to start preparing. They should have been written and checked by now. Leaving proper rehearsal time.

The more they rehearse, the  more spontaneous they will be. The more they rehearse the more confident they will be.

3. Find a thread. Rather than a random collection of reminiscences and anecdotes, it will help if they ‘hang’ their speech around a single theme or thread. The speech will flow better and be more memorable.

4. Don’t embarrass.  It is always tempting to tell a story  that maybe hilarious to a few who are ‘in the know’ but which is meaningless or, much worse, offensive to other guests. This is unlikely in such a high profile event but it is one of the commonest errors.

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Don’t wash dirty linen in public!

 

5. Keep it short. Make sure they stick to the time agreed beforehand. (Generally, two to three minutes for the shorter speeches and seven or so for the longest.)  Don’t let them fall into the ‘nervousness’   trap of going on and on. As Dorothy Parker said: “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” 

6. Tell stories, not jokes.  Don’t let them feel that jokes are obligatory. The audience will lap up personal stories well told and laugh along with them. They  will be on much safer, and easier ground if they let themselves off the hook of being the next ‘great’ stand-up co061_jokermic.

My book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy is in bookshops and on Amazon

 

 

WHAT DO GUESTS WANT FROM THE WEDDING SPEECH?

096_conquer_nerves Any speech, at a wedding or any other occasion, will only be good if it lives up to the expectations of the audience. Before starting to prepare, any speaker needs to establish some reasonable understanding of this particular audience, at this particular wedding.

This seems obvious but the typical audience of wedding guests can be extremely diverse, more so than, say, a political or business gathering

The families, and their friends of the couple may never have met. Hopefully they will not be like the feuding Montagues and Capulets in Romeo and Juliet.

034_three_generations_ However, they may be from different continents, cultures, religions, political affiliations with little in common apart from a connection with the couple.

Then there is the issue of tackling, say, six or seven different generations from ‘troublesome’ teenagers (and children) to doting grand (even great) parents.

It is not possible to identify all the different interests they have but an understanding of what they have in common can be reached. To help me in this I carried out some informal research talking to numerous guests, and speakers, from a variety of weddings. Their expectations fall into three areas.

Firstly, did I learn anything new about the couple, or the wider family member? Guests come from far and wide, can be out of touch. They are curious! Your speech is a rare opportunity for them to catch up, get some gossip. It will play a role in completing a special day.

061_jokerSecondly, was it entertaining? Not in a belly laugh way. Contrary to popular perception, most guest do not expect, or indeed want you to be a ‘stand-up’ comic telling second-hand jokes.

What goes down best of all is the humour that comes naturally from the telling of real and personal stories and anecdotes.

And finally, was there a touch of genuine feeling? Whatever the nature of the wedding, from deeply traditional to wildly unconventional, at its heart is the union of the couple. Simple, heartfelt words that capture the emotion of the day will make the speech. And verses from a favourite poet are often a wonderful way to lend expression to your feelings.

There are a lot more ideas in my book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy  published November 3rd. You can pre-order on Amazon

 

 

 

WHY QUOTE A QUOTE IN YOUR WEDDING SPEECH?

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” I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognised wiser than oneself.”

 MARLENE DIETRICH 

 

 

It’s easy to search for quotations. The trick is to look for the ones that are relevant to what you’re trying to say, making a point that adds a degree of memorability to your speech.  Here are a few taken from my book.

 “The future for me is already a thing of the past-                                                                                        You were my first love and you will be my last.”          BOB DYLAN

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.”                PABLO PICASSO

“How do you spell ‘love’?”-Piglet                                                                                                                   “You don’t spell it … you feel it.” – Pooh                 A.A.MILNE

“Dammit, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can’t always be living for pleasure.” OSCAR WILDE

“Longed for him. Got him. Shit.”                        MARGARET ATTWOOD

 

 There are lots more in my book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy  published November 3rd. You can pre-order on Amazon

                                                                         

20 WEDDING SPEECH DON’TS!

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1.Don’t procrastinate, prepare early

2.Don’t ignore your brief

3.Don’t think a drink will make you a hero

4.Don’t go on and on and on

5.Don’t embarrass the guests

068_caveman_wedding 6. Don’t hesitate to tell personal stories

7.Don’t be shy about reciting poetry

8.Don’t read a script, looking down

9. Don’t fail to rehearse, rehearse

10. Don’t try to tell jokes when you can’t

101_lungs11.Don’t speak if you can’t be heard

12.Don’t use hard-to-pronounce words

13. Don’t get lost in complicated sentences

14. Don’t talk without           pausing

15. Don’t forget to breathe (now and again

017_jelly16. Don’t assume everyone knows you

17. Don’t focus only on your own friends

18. Don’t forget the names that matter

19. Don’t, please don’t forget to smile

20. Don’t worry about nerves, everyone has them

“ I get nervous when I don’t get nervous. If I’m nervous I know I’m going to have a good show.”      BEYONCE