This nice expression captures the principles in my book, “Unaccustomed as I am … the Wedding Speech Made Easy,” It came from Kate Willis’ review in You and Your Wedding magazine. I like it! When I set out to write, I was surprised to find that the majority of existing titles were specific to the ‘best man’ or ‘groom’ but few if any to the bride or best woman.
Traditions are changing, slowly
This bias can be explained, if not excused, by ‘tradition’. After all the word marriage comes from the Latin word ‘mas’ meaning male or masculine. And ‘tradition’ still influences much of the ceremonial. The Anglo-Saxon father would use his daughter as a form of currency to pay off his debts, the bride standing on the left is rooted in the groom’s need to keep his sword arm free for action to prevent ‘bride kidnapping!’
Some, not all, of these traditions continue but one which is changing is in speech making. It is no longer a male bastion. Most women I spoke to in my research, while still less likely to speak, saw it as much their role as that of the men. However this does not mean a need for books aimed at the bride or best woman .
The principles of the wedding speech are constant
In twenty years of coaching presentations and speech making, roughly equal numbers women and men, I have never needed to give, or been asked for, different advice depending on gender. As I spell out in my book the principles of speeches are a constant:
“Whether formal or impromptu, religious or civil, straight or same sex, first, second, third or fourth marriage, at the heart is a constant: the celebration of the union of a couple. And the basics of a good speech are constant too. Depending on the nature of the event and the audience – hundreds of guests in a grand ballroom or a handful outside on garden lawn – you may tailor the content of your speech, but stick to the principles.”
If you are speaking as a bride, best woman or mother you can find these constant principles in my book. (So will the men.)
“Unaccustomed As I Am … The Wedding Speech Made Easy” amzn.to/2bEoQSH
As you prepare for the big day, it’s worth noting that Just about the only ingredients that come free are the speeches. They will, or should be, the icing on the cake of the perfect day.
2. Don’t procrastinate. The speeches may be weeks away but it is never too soon to start preparing. They should have been written and checked by now. Leaving proper rehearsal time.
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1. It’s natural to feel nervous. As Mark Twain said ” There are two types of speakers: those who get nervous and those who are liars.”
4. Don’t procrastinate. For some, nerves leads to delay in preparing the speech. This increases pressure on performance leaving no time to rehearse . Get your brain in gear ,
9. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Ask a friend to ‘to direct’ you, How do you come across? The more you rehearse the more spontaneous you’ll be. The more you rehearse the more confident you’ll be.
Thorough briefing of all your wedding speakers Your speakers will normally have been chosen because they are family members or close friends. Not necessarily for their speaking ability. And among them, even experienced speakers will be relatively ‘unaccustomed’ to speaking at a wedding. This is where the briefing counts. It gives you, the planner, the reassurance that the speakers know what is expected of them. It gives the speaker answers to essential questions that they need to write their best speech,
Guests are not in critical mode, like a first-night theatre audience. You will feel the love.They start off on the side of the speaker, fully appreciative of what it takes to stand up in front of an audience, perhaps for the first-time. Probably feeling relieved it’s not them up there!
Interestingly, the positive praise mentioned little by way of specific comment on the content. What it really related to was the manner of the speaker, the sense of sharing the moment, engaging with them, not talking at them. These speakers had searched for a deep understanding of the audience with whom they were sharing this special moment in time.