The average wedding in the UK costs upwards of £20K. Venue, food, drink, flowers, invitations, accessories, accommodation, travel- (not to forget the outfits!)
As you prepare for the big day, it’s worth noting that Just about the only ingredients that come free are the speeches. They will, or should be, the icing on the cake of the perfect day.
The speakers will have been chosen. However, there is advice they can be given to help ensure the memorable day is made even more memorable.
Here are six suggestions.
- Stick to their brief. Whichever speech they’re making, they must find out what is expected. Who else is speaking and what will they be saying. How long should they speak? Are there any specifics to include? Anything they shouldn’t mention?
2. Don’t procrastinate. The speeches may be weeks away but it is never too soon to start preparing. They should have been written and checked by now. Leaving proper rehearsal time.
The more they rehearse, the more spontaneous they will be. The more they rehearse the more confident they will be.
3. Find a thread. Rather than a random collection of reminiscences and anecdotes, it will help if they ‘hang’ their speech around a single theme or thread. The speech will flow better and be more memorable.
4. Don’t embarrass. It is always tempting to tell a story that maybe hilarious to a few who are ‘in the know’ but which is meaningless or, much worse, offensive to other guests. This is unlikely in such a high profile event but it is one of the commonest errors.
Don’t wash dirty linen in public!
5. Keep it short. Make sure they stick to the time agreed beforehand. (Generally, two to three minutes for the shorter speeches and seven or so for the longest.) Don’t let them fall into the ‘nervousness’ trap of going on and on. As Dorothy Parker said: “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.”
6. Tell stories, not jokes. Don’t let them feel that jokes are obligatory. The audience will lap up personal stories well told and laugh along with them. They will be on much safer, and easier ground if they let themselves off the hook of being the next ‘great’ stand-up co
mic.
My book Unaccustomed As I Am… The Wedding Speech Made Easy is in bookshops and on Amazon
1. It’s natural to feel nervous. As Mark Twain said ” There are two types of speakers: those who get nervous and those who are liars.”
4. Don’t procrastinate. For some, nerves leads to delay in preparing the speech. This increases pressure on performance leaving no time to rehearse . Get your brain in gear ,
9. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Ask a friend to ‘to direct’ you, How do you come across? The more you rehearse the more spontaneous you’ll be. The more you rehearse the more confident you’ll be.
Guests are not in critical mode, like a first-night theatre audience. You will feel the love.They start off on the side of the speaker, fully appreciative of what it takes to stand up in front of an audience, perhaps for the first-time. Probably feeling relieved it’s not them up there!
Interestingly, the positive praise mentioned little by way of specific comment on the content. What it really related to was the manner of the speaker, the sense of sharing the moment, engaging with them, not talking at them. These speakers had searched for a deep understanding of the audience with whom they were sharing this special moment in time.
6. Don’t hesitate to tell personal stories
11.Don’t speak if you can’t be heard
16. Don’t assume everyone knows you
He would probably suggest we master the ‘five canons of rhetoric.’ As expressed by Quintilian:
While not fighting your guests, it helps you to deliver it, and them to follow it, if you have a framework.. One is known as ‘the rule of three.’ It reflects Aristotle’s three act plot structure. For example you could introduce your narrative thread as ‘milestones on a romantic journey’ and arrange your stories – the heart of any speech- around ‘early days’, ‘significant stops’ and ‘arrival’.